Breaking News: Bin Laden Issues New Fatwa

Pakistan (1 hour ago)-Osama bin Laden released a new audio tape today in which he named several new enemies of Islam.

The full text follows:
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In the Name of Allah, the Most Gracious, the Most Merciful, permission to fight and destroy these infidels is given:

• The makers of HeadOn.
• David Caruso. You're not a good actor, dude. And what's up with the sunglasses bit? Do you think it makes you look cool?
  
• Those who manufacture the tape that goes across the top of CD and DVD packages.
  
• Lynard Skynard
• Debbie Martinson. I heard what you said about me in homeroom, you bitch. I do not wear too much makeup!
  
• All those who go AFK in Alterac Valley. You infidels are the reason the Horde loses so often.
• Mullah Omar. You never call anymore! Did what we share mean so little to you?
  

In addition, eternal bliss in Heaven and 72 virgins are granted to anyone who will muck out my cave. It's getting pretty bad in there.